Before I even begin, I’m going to go ahead and ask forgiveness for whatever nonsense comes pouring from my brain, slightly filtered by my heart, straight through to my fingers, and unabashedly out onto this page.

Forgive me? “Sure, okay.” Good. Now that that is out of the way, let’s begin.

I’m currently listening to Rachael Yamagata again, and the song I am stuck on is Letter Read. I’ve had it on repeat for about an hour, and it’s just killing me … not softly. It’s got so much gumption, my eyes are burning. I don’t know, still love that girl.

It’s funny how I get stuck on songs for no particular reason. Right now, for example, I am feeling not one emotion similar to the words pouring out the speakers of this computer, but I am feeling something because of them. This is why I love music so, damn much. It may not mean the same thing to each of us, and probably not anywhere near what the artist intended when it was being written, but it certainly evokes something within each of us … and something is … well, not nothing, that’s for sure. That is, unless you are one of those crazy, soul-less people. If that is the case, I want nothing to do with you, anyway.

I mean, who doesn’t feel this?!

And I’m afraid, and I can’t breathe,
And I’m in love with you
But you are not with me
And I have put so much into a life
I made too much about you now to lie

Then again, maybe it’s just me. Who knows? Wouldn’t be the first time, surely won’t be the last.

I, myself, haven’t been in love in quite some time, or ever. No, no, no. That’s not true. I just have this on-going battle within myself debating whether or not it was actually love if it ended, and then amounted to nothing in the end. Maybe it’s the music, or the new-ish prospect, or the cheese-infested holiday that is lurking around the corner, but some thoughts on this matter have entered my mind lately. (Honestly, I think maybe it’s really to do with the possibility of falling all over again.) I’m sort of flying, not blind, but perhaps with some slightly foggy goggles on here. What I do know is limited, and what I have come up with is very simple at its core.

First of all, partnership. I can’t stress it enough. I’m no expert, but I do know that is what it’s about. 50/50, you know? It’s also about playing no games, and being present. What I mean by no games is no mind games, heart games, harm games. The bad stuff. Scrabble, Monopoly, Scattergories, Twister, Spades, Catch Phrase, Balderdash, and Trivial Pursuit are actually encouraged. And by being present, I mean not stuck in the past, and not too far ahead in the future. That one is tough. We are all a product of our past, and all zooming full speed ahead into the future with every second that ticks down on the clock.  But, you know, just be present.  Find a way, make it happen.

Communicate … that’s all I know to say. Communicate as much as flipping possible.

Ms. Yamagata will have a new CD coming out sometime this year. Not sure when, but I just cannot wait.

I wrote down some CD’s that I desperately need to get my hands on. I’ve either had these and “lost” them, or I have had certain songs downloaded from iTunes, but never got around to purchasing the entire album, or I am just flat-out behind the times with my CD-purchasing. If my Post-it were to be misplaced, discovered by someone else, and published in Found today, it would include:

‘Til The Sun Turns Black- Ray LaMontagne
Nightcrawler – Pete Yorn
Son of Evil Reindeer – Reindeer Section
If Songs Could Be Held – Rosie Thomas
When It’s Over We Still Have To Clear Up – Snow Patrol
With Teeth – Nine Inch Nails
Blinking Lights and Other Revelations – Eels

Those can also be considered my suggestions to you for the day, by the way. I know I’ve mentioned this before, but Rosie Thomas will just, absolutely break your heart. Her voice is so smooth, and her lyrics are incredibly poignant.

It’s worth a shot, anyway.

I’ve had some emails requesting more of my poetry on here … from people I don’t know, and have never, ever met … which is surreal … but nice. (Quick! Name that movie!)

My favorite emails are the ones asking where my book can be purchased. Well, I don’t have a book that has been published, but if one were to be requested enough, I would certainly consider (once again) publishing some of the poetry stuff. I’ll keep it in mind, one way or another. In the meantime, I’ll just keep posting some of my dabbles on here from time to time. So, to answer all of those emails collectively … soon, I’ll post another one soon.

I write and I write and I write and I write. It’s the only way I know. Pen to paper. Inside to outside. It’s who I am, all I know to do.

My new book, which does not have a “deal” (as I have not even ever tried to find one), and I have just started working on recently, will also include some of my poetry. The style in which I am writing it allows for this sort of thing, which is why I prefer it to any other way I have ever written. It’s coming along well so far. To answer yet another round of questions I have been asked recently … yes, I will maybe, actually try (like send it out to agents and publishing houses, try like never before, try) to get this one published. Who knows? Stranger things have happened.

Speaking of, Anna Nicole Smith died today, which I guess isn’t really all that strange when you think about it. My guess is drugs in general, and cocaine to be more specific. Either way, I always think it’s sad when people die, just like that, unnecessarily. I guess it’s the way of the world, but it still makes me sad.

Really … wow. What a sad, crazy world we live in today! Do you not agree? We’ve got Britney flashing her stuff, Lindsay in and out of rehab, Paris being … Paris, and Nicole getting arrested for drugs … and this is what we call “News”. I mean, this is quite literally what we have our younger generation of girls witnessing, and even trying to emulate. It scares the stuffin’ out of me, to be honest. Raising kids in the world today … scary, scary stuff. I don’t know. I wish it were different. I wish people had more values. I wish everything wasn’t so f*cked up. But it is. Plain and simple. It is. I guess the only way to balance that insanity somehow is to keep your feet on the ground, your head level, your values in check, your mind a little sane, and your heart in a good place.

Which, in a very roundabout way, brings me back to the music that I love. The music I listen to is what gives me hope, and allows me to believe in what I really want to believe. It sounds so corny, but it’s all about the human spirit to me. Not the people who try to ruin it, but the people who try to cultivate it, help it flourish, actually make a difference, be respectable.

I’m going off into a whole other realm of random with that kind of talk. Slow down now!

This is what happens when my head and heart go in about a thousand different directions all at one time. It’s okay. I kind of like it, even. I advocate so much for people who think, people who feel … might as well embrace being one of them, right?

In truth, I have thought a lot about starting a new blog and pouring all of my rumblings onto there, anonymously. I haven’t done it, and decided that I won’t. I resolved that I can just use this one, for whatever, and not be ashamed or embarrassed, or feel too exposed.

I’m a writer.

I write and I write and I write and I write. It’s the only way I know. Pen to paper. Inside to outside. It’s who I am, all I know to do.