Archive for Relationships, Dating, Love, & Such

Poetry (The Love)

{ March 27, 2007 @ 5:00 pm } · { Relationships, Dating, Love, & Such, Writing/Poetry }
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Poetry (The Love)

I read a lot of poetry,
and always seem to gravitate
toward the same one

about lost love, unrequited
love, deep-in love, hope-for
love, falling-in love,

forbidden love, lust-disguised-
as love, wearing-out-of love,
and I-love-love love.

For Su it is Foreign Languages
Neruda it is I do not love you …
and, also, If You Forget Me,

Jong is After the Earthquake,
Lovespell: Against Endings,
and Climbing You,

I Carry Your Heart by Cummings,
Litany by Billy Collins,
and Jukebox Lovesong by Hughes.

Then, of course, who can forget
Elizabeth Bishop with her One Art,
and Love Letter by Sylvia Plath?

I always seek out the love,
when nothing ever seems to last;
I always seek out the love …

That is why I wonder,
even as I sit here now,
if maybe I should write

more of culture, the world,
abortion, abuse, misuse,
wars, gardens, buildings,

feminism, machismo, and food.
I wonder as wonder-ers often do,
turning it over and over,

already armed with the answer.
Maybe it is simply me,
and I am simply uninteresting

because I can’t bring my pen
to write about fruit and,
instead, romanticize the juice.

I wonder what makes a poet,
what causes me this burning,
so often hidden from sight?

I wonder, “Why me?”,
and what this need really means.
Hopeless romantic, dim child?

I hope not.  I hope it
makes me, while not more,
maybe brighter, somehow.

Not silly, or foolish, or
naive … absurd, daffy,
sappy, screwball, kooky,

looney, brainless, or unwise …
but that it makes me, instead,
(somehow) a combination of a few.

(Silly in my foolish happiness.
Absurd in my kooky laughter.
Sappy when anchored alongside.)

I think with these thoughts,
still knowing this is not for
only me to try and define.

Love seems to now mean so little,
fidelity kept by so rare and so few.
Love should still matter!

(Maybe now more than ever.)
I guess this is why I read poetry,
why I write, why I romanticize

my way through writing, self, life.
Love should still matter!
Yes, I guess that is why …

© – SKK

PostSecret & Me

{ December 30, 2006 @ 2:34 pm } · { Books, Life, Relationships, Dating, Love, & Such }
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I get a book for Christmas every year. This year, I asked for the second installation (My Secret) of one of my favorite books ever purchased … a book called PostSecret. For those of you who haven’t heard of it, it is a collection of postcards sent in to this guy (Frank Warren), who initially sent out something around 1000 postcards as an art project, asking people to write a secret on it, decorate it, do whatever to it, and send it back to him, anonymously. Well, the response was so overwhelming that he started a blog and published a book (two, now), each spotlighting selected postcards. I’m not sure, but something about so many people (real people!) sending in these truly genuine, sincere secrets really, really touches and inspires me.

Time said of the first … A fascinating public airing of private thougts – some dark, others funny, endearing or disturbing – written on homemade postcards … The range of efforts (meticulous, sloppy, artful, ponderous) will astound you.

I’m talking about it today because I always get a little reminiscent immediately before and for a little while after the start of a new year. I don’t know why. I guess it’s the general thought of, Wow, another year gone by … what did I do with it?

I always make a list of Resolutions … some I write not to keep, some I write hoping with all hope that I do keep, and some I write knowing without a shadow of a doubt that I will keep. Mine aren’t lofty … I gave those up a long time ago. You know … Win the lottery. … Shrink 5 inches to look like all the other girls. … Fit into a size 0 by February 1st. … the Blah blah blah resolutions, as I call them. Thankfully, I’ve wised up a bit and don’t make those foolish ones anymore. Mine are now more about things that I can control … that are feasible. Some are small and very silly … some are funny … some are sad … some are serious … I used to limit myself to 10, but I stopped that when I realized I can’t put a lid on that kind of thing. This year, I’ve decided I’m just going to write them all down, organize them, laminate them, and frame them right by my mirror in my room. Might as well, right? Right!

Back to PostSecret. (Sorry, I know I’m jumping around.) My favorite one in the new book is probably one that simply says, My heart is an idiot. It makes me laugh (belly laugh, at that) … because I relate so, so well to that statement. I’d just never heard it put quite like that: My … heart … is … an … idiot! Resolution: Make it smarter!

Gosh, I’m giggling now just thinking about all of the muck my heart has dragged me through.

My, my, my …

The cool thing is that hearts heal … and can be educated, in the good way! This, I have certainly learned in ‘06. The heart is an intrepid piece o’ work! Takes a lickin’ and keeps on tickin’, if you know what I’m sayin’.

Case & Point:

I was hurt a while back by someone who was very important to me, and I don’t think I ever really recovered from it. When I finally thought I had, and tried again … I fell in love (or something like it) again … and I was hurt … again. I would say that I was hurt worse the second time … because I felt like I should have known better, not given in so easily, not opened up, not believed so deeply … not after the first time. Both followed a pattern, and the only link between the two was me. Of course, I became really good at blaming myself for a long time … for the first especially, and then for a while after the second for that one as well. I then realized something … I’m better than blame, damnit! The only pattern that I really found is that I not only once, but twice, chose and fell in love (or something like it) with lying, philandering, selfish men who never had any intention of giving back what I gave. So, heck, what do you do? Well, you break the pattern … and you stop putting up with the ones who aren’t going to be good for you, right? Right! Damn, it seems so easy now. You can’t change people, and you can’t make someone treat you right, no matter how much you beg and plead. You can’t make someone love you, either … just like you can’t make yourself love someone. (Broken record, party of one!)

I haven’t thought about all of this in a long time … and, by a long time, I mean the better part of a year. That’s a big step for me. Recent events and a little bit of 2006 in review (which will probably be a whole new entry after the 1st of the year) has made me look at these things, albeit briefly, once again … I (finally and officially) lost not one, but two things this past year that I never thought I’d lose.

The part I never expected is that I’m better than ever because of it. It’s all in the past now, and I couldn’t be more excited, happy, joyous, stoked, thrilled, elated, giddy, pumped, jubilant, and celebratory about it.

L-I-V-I-N, baby!

There is a quote that one of my old friends shared a while back that was very poignant to me: We’re gonna rise from these ashes like a bird aflame … It’s from a David Gray song, called Shine. If there was one sentence I could choose for My 2006, that would be it. Rise above, I do feel I have.

Sorry … back to the PostSecret stuff. (This all ties in somehow, I promise.)

When I first found the book, I thought about sending one in, but then I realized that I had so many to choose from … I didn’t even know where to begin. So, what did I do? Well, I started a scrapbook, and put all of my PostSecrets in it. It’s almost full now. I guess that could’ve be my official PostSecret at the time … I have too many secrets to choose from.

The beauty … (in the breakdown) … it’s over. My life is different now, I’m different now. And, you know, it sounds cheesy … but I’m pretty much made of cheese, so it’s going to be okay … but discovering PostSecret kind of made me start looking at those things (as well as many others), writing them down, dealing with them, and filing them away … literally. I’m so much healthier now because of that. I guess you could say, in an off-base way, the book kind of made me a better person. I can’t give it too much credit, however … I’ll reserve that for mainly myself. (Ha!) It did start a certain process within myself, though. It would’ve happened eventually, but I’ll just happy I stumbled upon a catalyst sooner rather than later.

Wouldn’t it be great if we could all do that? Be honest, be real, tell it, deal with it, and put it away.

I think so.

If you are interested in buying either book, here are some links:

PostSecret
My Secret

The Secret Lives of Men & Women (… one I didn’t know about until after I posted this …)

And, of course, the website: WWW.POSTSECRET.BLOGSPOT.COM.

Okay, now I’m off to go ring in this New Year of 2007 better everbefore … HAPPILY!! Oh yes … happily. Everyone out there be safe, have fun, and rock ‘07 out!!

P.S. This is the coolest cake I’ve ever seen!

‘07 is going to rule!

Holiday Cheer

{ December 21, 2006 @ 1:46 pm } · { Relationships, Dating, Love, & Such }
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Begin rant.

So, maybe I’m just a little grumpy because I’m out of school, working full-time, and hungover from taking too much cold medicine last night, but as I was checking my email this morning, I came across THIS … and it somehow managed to really irritate me in the midst of my Chai Tea bliss. 

For those of you who don’t click on the link and read the entire article, it’s basically about how “joyous” it is to be single over the holidays.  I mean, it’s called, Single this season?  Lucky you!, for crying out loud!  Now, maybe it wouldn’t bother me so much (or maybe it would, who knows?), but this is coming from a married woman, who is lamenting the loss of her singledom, complaining about having to spend extra money on new family members, talking about how hard it is to “please her man”, and fretting over the clash of their respective choices in trees.  I mean … seriously?!  That’s all you’ve got for why it’s “so, flippin’ awesome” to be single around Christmas?! 

I’m disturbed on so many levels, I don’t even know where to begin.

You know, here’s the truth … yes, it can be stressful to purchase gifts for a significant other … especially when they are the kind of person who seems to have everything they want already.  And, yes, it is much easier to buy for your girlfriends/guy friends, depending on your gender.  However (and this is a HUGE “however”), it can also be a whole heck of a lot of fun to buy for your love, if you let it be.  My idea?  Make a theme of it.  Do something like … Make It Yourself … or … Our First Month Together … or … What Would Look Good On Me? … I mean, cripes … get creative and have some fun with it!  That’s what the holidays should be about, right?  Right!  Sheesh, when did all of the cheer of giving get sucked out of this time of year?! 

It really, really bothers me.  (And it rhymes!)

Granted, I’ve never done anything like those ideas mentioned above when I’ve had someone special over the holidays … but you can bet your sweet bippy that I will the next time around.  The lack of inventiveness, or “lighthearted fun”, or whatever in my past has spawned from a number of things … mainly, me being young and not knowing any better.  In truth, I have either gone way overboard, or just not done much as far as holidays are concerned.  With me, the way overboard was when I was really, really young and thought that is what you were supposed to do … and the not doing much came from a lack of happiness in the relationship and general return of effort from the other person.  But, you know, it shouldn’t be like that.  There have been a few I have really, really thought out, and, for those, I am truly proud.  I’m still not claiming that I’ve always been Miss Funshine, and I admit that times like the holidays haven’t always been giggles and grandeur.  I’m just saying, well … they should be! 

I guess I’ve either been single long enough to forget all of the “real and true” problems that can come about, or I’ve just grown up a lot and let go of a lot of my silly b.s. that kept me from being happy in some of my past relationships (i.e. - insecurity, fear, idealism, naivete, not knowing what I want, staying too long with the wrong person, blah blah blah …).  For my sake (and a few others as well), I hope to Great Goodness that it’s more to do with the latter, and less to do with the former.

But, yeah, that article just really got under my skin and rubbed me the wrong way.  I have nothing against the girl who wrote it, I just don’t agree with her article.  I felt like it was … patronizing.  I can think of no better word.  Life isn’t Sex & the City (although I love the show), and being single is neither the best thing in the entire world, leaving you free to do whatever you want, spend your money however you want, have sex with whoever you want … nor is it the worst, end-of-the-world experience that some might feel like it is around the holidays. 

So, just for clarification … no, I’m not saying that I hate being single, or that I’m over here crying in my egg nog.  In fact, I’m perfectly happy being single.  Yes, I enjoy spending time with my girlfriends, getting to do whatever I want, whenever I want, and not having to stress out about certain “couple things” … like worrying my philandering boyfriend is doinking everyone else in the room (yeah, I’ve dated some real, truthworthy guys in my day!).  But, you know, at the very same time, it isn’t necessarily the most fun in the world to be completely single when everyone around you is spending time with boyfriends/girlfriends, having their first Christmas with their new family, engaged, happy, sunshine, daisies, and all of that good rot.  Still … you know … like I said before, it isn’t so bad, either.  It isn’t something that should be brooded over, that’s for darn sure.  What’s more, I (and I’m assuming most other singles “of a certain age” (mid-20’s-30’s) out there), don’t need some married person throwing any kind of patronizing crap about how shitty it is to be attached at them.  I know I don’t. 

I’ve been to the circus, and I’ve seen all the strings.  I know about being attached, and I know about being single.  I’ve done both many times in my life, thank you very much.  I’ve learned a lot, and I’m sure I have much, much more to learn in the future.  I’m just saying that, either way, single or attached, there is no reason to want to be the other just because it is the holidays.  You shouldn’t be pissed about having to buy extra presents for your boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife’s family, just as you shouldn’t be sad that you don’t have that boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife to take to Christmas parties and sit by the fire with. 

I mean, really, just make the most of what you’ve got and don’t freak out about the rest! 

The grass isn’t always greener, is what I’m trying to say.  I’m not sitting around trying to convince my attached friends that being me right now is super-rockin’-awesome-as-all-heck just because I’m single … just as I would hate it if they were sitting around trying to make me feel less because they have someone and I don’t … just as I don’t complain to them about them being with someone while I’m single … just as I don’t need any of them telling me how great my life is because I am.  Get it? 

The point I’m trying to make here is to be happy, whatever you are and whoever you are with (or aren’t with, for that matter).  Isn’t that the point?  Am I missing something?  I mean, seriously!

Oh, and I recant my first sentence.  I’m in a smashingly great mood.  I’m not at all grumpy, and it isn’t the working, or the cold medicine … it’s just the article.  Ha!         

I hope everyone is well.  Happy 4 Days Until Christmas!

End rant. 

Your Story … DTRJH?!

{ November 22, 2006 @ 2:23 pm } · { About Me, Books, Life, Random, Relationships, Dating, Love, & Such, Writing/Poetry }
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My friend, Mel, and I have recently begun working on a project together.  We’re both really, REALLY excited about it.  I have a lot more to say, but think I’ll wait and explain in greater detail on here later (after the site has been frequented first). 

For now, go to http://www.myspace.com/129937616 (Your Story … Did That Really Just Happen?!) for more information.  We have yet to get down and dirty with the sending out of Friend Requests, so feel free to F.R. (like how I abbreviated it?  yeah …) us.  Also, we haven’t yet decided on a definite URL for our MySpace, so the one above to click on is obviously a work in progress. 

Okay … I think the MySpace site should be pretty self-explanatory.  If you have any questions, there is contact information on that site … and, as always, you can send me an email or message on my MySpace page as well.