Archive for Writing/Poetry

Poetry (The Love)

Poetry (The Love)

I read a lot of poetry,
and always seem to gravitate
toward the same one

about lost love, unrequited
love, deep-in love, hope-for
love, falling-in love,

forbidden love, lust-disguised-
as love, wearing-out-of love,
and I-love-love love.

For Su it is Foreign Languages
Neruda it is I do not love you …
and, also, If You Forget Me,

Jong is After the Earthquake,
Lovespell: Against Endings,
and Climbing You,

I Carry Your Heart by Cummings,
Litany by Billy Collins,
and Jukebox Lovesong by Hughes.

Then, of course, who can forget
Elizabeth Bishop with her One Art,
and Love Letter by Sylvia Plath?

I always seek out the love,
when nothing ever seems to last;
I always seek out the love …

That is why I wonder,
even as I sit here now,
if maybe I should write

more of culture, the world,
abortion, abuse, misuse,
wars, gardens, buildings,

feminism, machismo, and food.
I wonder as wonder-ers often do,
turning it over and over,

already armed with the answer.
Maybe it is simply me,
and I am simply uninteresting

because I can’t bring my pen
to write about fruit and,
instead, romanticize the juice.

I wonder what makes a poet,
what causes me this burning,
so often hidden from sight?

I wonder, “Why me?”,
and what this need really means.
Hopeless romantic, dim child?

I hope not.  I hope it
makes me, while not more,
maybe brighter, somehow.

Not silly, or foolish, or
naive … absurd, daffy,
sappy, screwball, kooky,

looney, brainless, or unwise …
but that it makes me, instead,
(somehow) a combination of a few.

(Silly in my foolish happiness.
Absurd in my kooky laughter.
Sappy when anchored alongside.)

I think with these thoughts,
still knowing this is not for
only me to try and define.

Love seems to now mean so little,
fidelity kept by so rare and so few.
Love should still matter!

(Maybe now more than ever.)
I guess this is why I read poetry,
why I write, why I romanticize

my way through writing, self, life.
Love should still matter!
Yes, I guess that is why …

© – SKK

Quickies

– The release date for Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows has been announced: July 21, 2007. For those of you who are as nerdy as I am, you can already pre-order it on Amazon. (Yes … I did.) Even worse is that I actually got goosebumps when I saw an actual date in association with its release. Yeah, it’s pretty bad.

- Begin To Hope by Regina Spektor, which I have mentioned on here a few times, is $6.99 on Amazon right now as well. I don’t know how much it usually costs, but I do believe that is quite a good deal. If you ever thought about buying it, now is the time. This also goes for Love in the Time of Science by Emiliana Torrini (another I’ve mentioned before), again on Amazon. I think that one is $6.87, or something. Under $7, anyway. (Click the links to go to the exact pages where I found them.)

- I just discovered Found, and I’m completely fascinated by it. I don’t like it as much as PostSecret, but I do like it quite a bit. Same kind of thing.

- For those of you rockin’ it in my neck of the woods, check THIS out sometime. I won’t be at the one this Friday, but … you know … it’s still probably one of the cooler things in this _____ town. (Couldn’t find the words, and I’m in somewhat of a time crunch currently.)

- For those of you who keep up, I’ve started writing another book. I think it’s fiction. I mean, it’s complicated, but … I definitely think it’s fiction. I’m writing it in a style that focuses on a certain scene (point in time/what-have-you), then goes to another, but they all kind of string together in an odd sort of way. (Yes, there is a word for it. Yes, I know it. No, I do not feel the need to bore everyone with writing styles.) It’s moving quickly, just like my first. I put that one on the back-burner for a bit, though. It was making my brain hurt. I’ll assuredly finish this second one before the first. And, heck, who knows? Maybe that first one was just a catalyst to get me kicked into gear with this one, the actual one, the one I, myself, would read if someone else wrote it. I suppose that’s important. Ha!

- Running With Scissors (the movie) apparently becomes available for rent and purchase next Tuesday, Feb. 6th. I haven’t seen it because this town never brought it to theaters. All I can say is I enjoyed the book. (Damn, Amazon should pay me for advertising.)

- The line, “all that I am, all that I ever was, is here in your perfect eyes, they’re all I can see …” has been stuck in my head for days now. I hear that the song (Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol) is horribly over-played on the radio, which is a shame, really. I don’t listen to the radio, so I wouldn’t know. This is probably the reason I can still tolerate it … and so many other songs, for that matter. Doesn’t it suck how radio stations beat the ever-lovin’ crap out of a few good songs, making them unbearable to listen to anymore?! I think so; hence, the no-listening.

- I’m out of time for now.

- Take care, be safe, be happy, be nice … and … as my favorite memo pad at home says, Don’t fuck this up!

(I know it’s not very ladylike, but it’s just so versatile … you know?)

One by Me

 The Only Love Song There Is
(Left To Sing)

Where it used to be about
skinny knees and tight,

tight jeans, now it is about
wrinkles and how there is

love in every crease.
There is wobbling, wibbling,

and never more beauty than now,
when the has been inside pulled out.

There are still clean teeth
and even shiny, shiny hair,

but the hair has flattened and
with age, grayed at the seams.

It is in sitting across the room
and sharing a knowing smile

that spans the years, the kisses,
the struggles, the children,

the wild passion, the sickness,
the dances, and the fights,

where love, true love is found.
The years knows this, finding

them sleeping side by side,
fitting together night after night

in a bed where nothing is left
raw, everything is smooth,

no two days the same, still
somehow set in a perfect routine.

This is the only love
song there is left to sing.

This is the only spark
of light that is not fleeting;

looking forever into the same pair
of eyes, and still finding

something worth stealing another
glance, a million or more times.

© – SKK

(I was telling someone a week or so ago that I sometimes find it difficult to write from a happy/hopeful point of view.  It’s odd, but when I write, it’s usually about mistakes that are so far in the past, I don’t even relate to them much anymore.  That I mainly write that way is a little sad, really.  I’d much more like to capture the happier moments in time, mark them with a few words, rather than bask in the wrongs that have been done now, as well as so far in the past.  With that in mind, I vowed in the same discussion to write something positive, not too cheesy, from my (much more common) happy/hopeful point of view.   I’m not sure if this is exactly what I had in mind at the time, all I know is that I have typed above is what came about, and I think I just might like it.) 

Two by Su

The poems below are two by my favorite new-to-me poet, Adrienne Su.  I think her writing speaks for itself, so I won’t say any more about it … just that I love it, it has inspired me, and I felt like sharing a couple with everyone today.

The English Cannon

It’s not that the first speakers left women out
Unless they were goddesses, harlots, or impossible loves
Seen from afar, often bathing,

And it’s not that the only parts my grandfather could have played
Were as extras in Xanadu,
Nor that it gives no instructions for shopping or cooking.

The trouble is, I’ve spent my life
Getting over the lyrics
That taught me to brush my hair till it’s gleaming,

Stay slim, dress tastefully, and not speak of sex,
Death, violence, or the desire for any of them,
And to let men do the talking and warring. 

And bringing of the news.  I know a girl’s got to protest
These days, but she also has to make money
And do her share of journalism and combat,

And she has to know from the gut whom to trust,
Because what do her teachers know, living in books,
And what does she know, starting from scratch?

- Adrienne Su

Foreign Languages

I learned too late: if you want one to cherish
and comfort you, to be there at times
of near-speechlessness, you have to marry it,

perferably early, before you know the future
isn’t yours to give. Marrying later,
when experience has made you wiser,

has perks, but togetherness doesn’t come naturally.
Don’t make my mistake. I’ve had my fun
but ended up with nothing but history.

The first one I experienced out loud
was French, so brief and I so young
that it never got its tongue in my mouth.

Longer was my passion for Latin, bookish
devotion of my teenage years
I once thought I’d spend my life with,

but just as things were getting serious,
along came Chinese, well-read, older,
a painter and a poet in one, and to top this:

my parents liked him. While technically
there had been others, you could call
this one the first one I slept with. Eventually,

though, craving my own identity,
I grew up and left. Both of us wept.
But it wasn’t long before an equally

erotic arrival, Japanese, seduced me.
I loved the unembarrassed pleasure
it took in my neglected femininity,

understanding every hint, evasion,
unfinished sentence… Japanese softened
my voice, style, even ambitions,

but then I ran out of tuition money
and lived austerely with that dullard
English, for years. Oh, there were plenty

of kisses, notably German and Spanish,
and one impassioned summer with Italian;
I also wished for French to return in some lavish

incarnation, like seaside travel or a stranger
with a charming accent, but by now
I knew that when it came to languages,

I was only a flirt or a fling, a girl you date
for fun before you get ready to settle.
And it was all my fault: I couldn’t commit

to just one. I loved to take new vocabularies
into my mouth, to accustom my lips
to the unfamiliar, to hear them accidentally

append a mafan ni or kudasai
to a request for tea or somebody’s hand;
was thrilled to discover I didn’t know why
 
the modifier was right, only that the one
that felt right was; relished aquiringly
the novel syntax, slang, and idiom

by which the next one lived, and quickly
moving in. It’s true my resume suggests
repeated failure, even superficiality,

but it also delivers me back to the day
in first-year Latin when the teacher
gave the origin of ardent (from ardere,

to burn), and one of the cockier boys yelled out,
“Mrs. Swinson, is your husband ardent?”
Instead of getting mad, she only smiled

a wicked smile of knowing joy and said,
“Of course!” For once, she didn’t go on.
Never having believed that Latin wasn’t dead,

that it was the heart and soul of the Romance,
languages, I caught my breath – no, its breath,
the breath of the written word as its silence

uncoiled into understated passion. Right here,
the cinderblock room, chalk-clouded,
fixing our ablatives, was not so much a teacher

as a woman, alive and doomed as the rest of us.
I converted then, for better or worse, to a lifetime
of beginnings. To the romance of languages.

- Adrienne Su

* The poems above are from her book, Sanctuary, which was published in 2006.  She also has another one, which was published in 1997, called Middle Kingdom.  To purchase either, or both, please click HERE.

* I have been writing a lot as well.  I imagine I will have something new up by the end of this week, for all who are interested.   

But No One

(I don’t even remember when I started this one (it isn’t exceptionally recent), but I do know that it isn’t completely finished just yet.  I initially wrote it for myself, but I’m posting it now for a friend (you know who you are), as per our conversation yesterday.) 

But No One

Love, our love
was a little dirty
leaving not much left
to be kept clean
There hasn’t been anybody
to ignite me
in all of the simple ways
you seem to do
But no one,
not even masking tape,
silly putty,
and glue
could erase all of
the distances,
the great canyons of infidelities
placed between me and you

so I started to learn piano,
and I put my photographs away
I started singing into the silence,
telling it, not you, all I have left to say

Now you tell me
I was never,
not even for a second
worth your precious,
precious time
I don’t believe you,
I look closely
and see straight through
But no one,
not even masking tape,
silly putty,
and glue
could repair all of
the damages,
the hysterical need for forgiveness,
when I found out about you

so I started to learn indifference,
and I threw my memories away
I started screaming into the silence,
telling it, not you, I never wanted it this way

Just as you had a flare
for excuses,
I had a flare for
hanging on
So you ran around
and in three days
erased me
with someone new
But no one,
not even masking tape,
silly putty,
and glue
could turn her
into me,
the girl who cleaned your blood,
when life got the best of you

so I started to write these letters,
and I locked my heart away
I started speaking to the silence,
telling it, not you, until I have nothing left to say …

© – SKK

(Take with you what you must, don’t dwell too long, and keep that chin up, babe.  Life’s too short for unhappiness, and it’ll keep getting better and better and better soon.  That’s a promise!) 

Accidental Babies

For many reasons, but mainly because it is so beautiful …

“Well, I know I make you cry
And I know sometimes you wanna die
But do you really feel alive without me?
If so, be free
If not, leave him for me
Before one of us has accidental babies
For we are in love

Do you come
Together ever with him?
Is he dark enough?
Enough to see your light?
Do you brush your teeth before you kiss?
Do you miss my smell?
And is he bold enough to take you on?
Do you feel like you belong?
And does he drive you wild?
Or just mildly free?

What about me?
What about me?”

- Damien Rice (from Accidental Babies on his new CD, 9)

(Makes me wish I would’ve written these exact words at one point in time, only replaced “him” with “her”. )

“Everything for a reason …”  And, with that, a Very Merry Saturday, m’loves!

Your Story … DTRJH?!

My friend, Mel, and I have recently begun working on a project together.  We’re both really, REALLY excited about it.  I have a lot more to say, but think I’ll wait and explain in greater detail on here later (after the site has been frequented first). 

For now, go to http://www.myspace.com/129937616 (Your Story … Did That Really Just Happen?!) for more information.  We have yet to get down and dirty with the sending out of Friend Requests, so feel free to F.R. (like how I abbreviated it?  yeah …) us.  Also, we haven’t yet decided on a definite URL for our MySpace, so the one above to click on is obviously a work in progress. 

Okay … I think the MySpace site should be pretty self-explanatory.  If you have any questions, there is contact information on that site … and, as always, you can send me an email or message on my MySpace page as well. 

That Song (To Remind Me)

As promised …

(I wrote this one very, very recently.)

That Song (To Remind Me)

there are words for how,
and books written for why it must be so …

I play that song to remind me of the time
you were lying on the bed
and said something of my eyes
when they turn shockingly blue
then fade back to gray
right after I have cried

it was the observation and not the words,
“all the lights on and you are a alive …”
that awakened my senses
and paused the moment in my time
that pulled me from locked doors
that stopped my heart, dead

I am hypnotized by those old nights
and I close my eyes
to to pause in a still frame
filled with the memory of the day
you told me so sweetly how
you would like to cover me in rain

I listen to the chords
and imagine you strummng me the same
it was the way you were sitting
and the not the slow stretch of
“blue eyes, you’re the secret I keep …”
that I think of as poetry

you would look away and I would watch
the curve of your shoulders
trailing off into your back
and I knew I was falling, falling
into the strength of your stability
into subtle courage of your hands

and I wondered how a man like you
who spoke of songs I love
and played a slow, smooth guitar
was sitting there on my bed,
seeing depths no one else could see
and so falling in love with me

you are a flash of light
a figment of my imagination
“you don’t know the greatness you are …”
a myth, a legend, a dream
not something that I could ever pin down
not something I could ever keep

clumpsily lost in pens and papers
nervous at the touch of your skin
studying your every movement,
painting you as a piece of artwork
to prove you were not only fantasy
to prove you somehow belonged to me

there is electricity in your stillness
and static in your stare
there is a current pulling me closer,
a fumbling in this silence
and I find that I am needing you,
but I am wanting you even more

so the song plays quietly
“wish enough, wise man’ll tell you a lie …”
but you were no lie, you were real
you were fantasy, but you were mine
sure as this feeling of which you inspired
and I now sit here and write

I write so you know of this love
letters, books, words, poetry
chords, guitars, pens, papers
lyrics, songs I love, and mix CD’s
and how it all means nothing without you here,
how it means nothing at all, without you, to me

I play that song to remind me of the time
you were lying on the bed
and said something of my eyes
when they turn shockingly blue
then fade back to gray
right after I have cried

and there are words for how,
and books written for why it must be so …

© – SKK

* The song referenced is “Blue Eyes” by Cary Brothers.  (Lyrics) (Listen)

All I Need

By request (again) …

(I wrote this one recently. I do apologize for any untidiness, as the requests have been for something new about “this” sort of thing.)

All I Need

I put myself into songs
and try to become that part of you
where soul and paper collide
and all left hanging between
isn’t all that you write

I love you
and I know I should say it,
but I can’t say it
and not have you know
just what I feel

words are my world,
but words are not enough,
so I bite my tongue, and I
look at you through scenes
in my most recent daydream

where I do not wear
the rose-colored glasses
from all the times before,
and I speak without pretense
as I put away my disguise

I discard all the reasons
and I open my eyes,
not blind my sight
to all of the flaws you carry,
all the beauty you carefully hide

I walk into the room
and I do not meet your eyes,
terrifed you will finally recognize
that I steal my glances,
and paint my smile

not as strong as I seem,
I crack and I leak
on the days when I get weary,
on the nights when
the memory of you makes me weak

but it doesn’t mean
I don’t time my stares
and secretly call you mine
with the hope that you will
one day realize

you are everything I want,
you are everything I need
there is no other,
there is no one else,
you are everything to me

and maybe I am not perfect,
but perfection is boring,
and perfection is tiring,
all of the words that
I never want to be

I refuse to live in the gray
and in love I feel the same
life is too short for faking
and there is nothing fake
in this confession I am making

it’s on a whim that I love you
and on a whim that I dream
so just love me, love me,
love me for all we were,
and all we could still be

I never make much sense,
but I do think if you opened me up
to analyze my rings, you
(and only you)
could make some sense of me

I am poetry
I am silence,
I am full of prose,
too romantic for my own good,
too much for most to hold

but you show me glimpses of
hope in the shape of
two warm hands and a slow, coy smile
brimming with brightness,
full of mystery, space, and time

and you have a
laugh full of liquid
that has been melting my ice,
seeing through my darkness,
leaving me hypnotized

my love is quiet, my love is kind
where before it was unsteady,
my love will not fail you
not ever again,
not this time

if I told you all the
serenity I find
when I let your eyes meet mine,
the blue and the green
and the deep, deep brown

what I would mean
is that you shouldn’t feel tired
and you mustn’t make a sound,
just give me all of your colors,
explode them into my sky

I have been waiting for you,
I won’t run this time
I will hold you closer,
I will tell you everything,
finally offer the words I pushed aside

I pin my heart on my sleeve
to let you know I am ready,
I wear the key to my heart
around my neck,
hoping you will see

please speak, I will listen
give me the answers, I will hear
I will not push you,
I will not pull you,
you have nothing more to fear

a small chance to show you,
a small chance to make you believe
you are all I can hope for
I will give you so much more,
a chance is all I need

© – SKK

Unlikely Heart I & II

By request …

(I wrote the two below in late 2004.)

Unlikely Heart

It’s an unlikely heart,
the one I save for you …

One made of
cellophane and twine,
left tangled and seemingly open,
yet sealed, still see-through.
It’s funny how it beats
with so little motivation
and gravitates the hours
like a distant ringing bell.
Even more like an alarm
growing weaker, and fading
into the mundane scream
from never being attended to
(not even to kindly bang snooze).
It waivers in the air,
you’ll hear it if you listen.
Sit very still, remain attentive.
The urgency at times
would astound you.
It pumps in waiting,
as if on hold;
hoping you hear,
waiting for you to come around,
maybe for the first time,
maybe once more.
It feels sedated;
not dead, only slightly numb.
In need of warming,
you must place it between your hands;
calmly untie the tangle,
gently cut through the mess.

It’s an unlikely heart,
the one I save for you.

©

… … …

Unlikely Heart II

It’s an unlikely heart,
the one I save for you …

Meant to live
in fantasy,
where love isn’t
so vulgarly out of style.
It aches for sentiment
and thrives on sincerity,
which is no wonder
the beat is frighteningly
faint and slow.
Struggling to survive
in these cruel and bitter times;
starved of real intimacy,
awkward in its advance.
It was never meant to flourish
in a time when two bodies
creating friction
is the only form of
a joined and fulfilling beat.
Neglected in its needs,
it passes the hours alone.
Locked, not quite broken,
you must peer beneath the surface,
gingerly turn the key.

It’s an unlikely heart,
the one I save for you.

©